HHC-Eurochild De-Institutionalisation Campaign

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So far, 11 countries in Europe confirmed their participation to the HHC/Eurochild De-Institutionalisation Campaign: Bosnia & Hertegovina, Bulgaria, Estonia, Greece, Hungary, Lithuania, Moldova, Poland, Romania, Serbia and Ukraine. In 2013, the communication and messages of organisations in these countries, as well as the public appeals made to state authorities in charge with childcare, are to be focused on the importance of nurturing children in family environments, not in institutions.

I understand why we have to do this. What I do not understand (or maybe I do not accept, as I find it truly horrific) is why we need this in our so-called "civilised" contemporaneity: how can someone doubt that children need a family and love, to develop normally? How enstranged, how cold and robotic have humans become, if it needs appeals of such magnitude, to send such a simple message, of so much common sense?

For those who do not know: children need family and love, to be able to develop normally. And institutions are  a form of torture and abuse upon children.

Many times, looking at the overwhelming poverty around me, at haunted children, lacking care, I think that "man is wolf to man" (Homo homini lupus), as the Latin poet Plaut put it in Asanaria. And it seems that the progress of humanity is only technical, not at all spiritual. Otherwise, I cannot explain to myself why we have to bring in the spotlight such elementary things, as the children"s need of attention, love, affection and families.

On the Power of Words Between Children and Their Parents

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One of my obsessive dilemmas is related to the way in which I can (or cannot) communicate with my children. I am haunted by the though that I cannot face this well enough, that I could tackle their issues with more tact and wisdom. Too may times, in the whirlpool of everyday life, I forget to take into consideration the other perspective, the other opinions and ideas. And due to lack of time, or deficit of patience, I ignor opportunities my children could get more out of, and therefore be more prepared for tomorrow"s life. Then, I am overwhelmed by regrets and remorse. I promise myself to be more careful next time, and to value moments that could last as beautiful memories, and not regrets distorted in resentment. How many time do we not deny children"s feelings, instead of translating them into words? How many times do we criticise, or give advice, instead of just accepting their feelings and thoughts? Just think of the amount of times when we want to be listened to, but without ourselves proving the capacity to listen. We argue, because it is convenient, we apply punishments, as it is easier than giving options, or alternatives. We seed anger and fury and powerlessness, instead of proving how tough situations can be surpassed. Out of convenience, and lack of time, we threaten and we are sarcastic, instead of helping them face everyday life. We ignore their anxiety, their traumas and depression, which slowly, slowly grow into their minds, with effects that can be devastating for their future.

I believe that the everyday chaos stops us from analysing, together with our children, the problems showing up, and finding then the right solutions. Solutions which the children could then use. It is difficult for us to sort out our own issues, which means it is even more difficult to sort out theirs. We suffer from lack of trust in those around us, in the systems we are part of, and this deficit of trust gets transferred on the way in which we judge our childre. We insult them, we mock them, in a subconscious power game. At the end of the day, we are adults, and this seems to be enough. We label them easily, placing them into "roles" very difficult for them to escape from.

They are what we make them be.

We have no time to praise them, to notice their achievements. We have no time or their questions. Sometimes, we hardly notice them around. They grow up, seeing that office mates, office tasks, field trips and telephone conversations are more important. What consequences do all these have?

Once they become adults, they copy the same behaviour and we transmit these to our own relationships: the lack of respect, confidence, and capacity to listen, among others. And we struggle, many times, in a dialogue of the deaf.

Published in Dilemateca, Anul V, nr. 51, August 2010, p. 23

Employments Can Now Be Done in the Childcare System!

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The Emergency Ordinance of the Government No. 34/2009 led to chaos in the childcare system, by blocking the hiring of staff on vacant posts in the social services. In this way, by 2012, the total number of vacant posts reached 14,000, most of these at the basis of the pyramid, where they work directly with children. Year by year, the number of abuses, cases of neglect increased, due to the basic lack of protection: unable to hire staff, the social services for children face a smaller and smaller structure of staff, and the people still on post could not face the multitude of tasks and responsibilities. Those who suffered enormously have been, of course, the children. In the residential services for children with special needs, for example, the lack of staff led to the increase of interns in psychiatric sections. So, 10% of the children in state care got to be clients of psychiatric sections. The lack of care, the lack of staff, led to situations of abuse among children themselves, the older ones taking advantage of the younger ones, and violence and psychological abuse have been at a high.

Overall, a nightmarish landscape, with children acting as main characters.  For years, the civil society and the public childcare services asked for this wrong to be undone.

Finally, at the latest government meeting, this wrong has been fixed. The Ministry of Labour, Family and Social Protection managed to repair this injustice which made so many victims. The possibility of hiring staff on vacant posts has been approved, with the condition that the amounts needed are in budget.

I think this is the best piece of news in childcare in our country in the last few years.

Childcare, on a Minefield

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Identity - like a broken mirror When your childhood is a journey through institutions, it seems to you that an obsessive nightmare gets transferred to your every day life, surrounding you, as your second coat.

When you grow up without your mother"s hug, the abyss in your soul gets bigger day by day, until it swallows you completely.

When every step you take is on an imaginary minefield, you step on it and explode inside, dying little by little, every time, until you forget who you are and then you cannot think but only of your next step, with a fear you are not even aware of, any more.

This is how the life of children in institutions is. We still have 190 old type institutions, with some 9,000 children in. We interviewed 200 of these children, and 20% of them can"t even remember one beautiful day in their lives, or say there has not been such a day at all. Half of them witness having been abused by those around them. A quarter said they had never celebrated their birthday, and the same percentage do not remember having received a birthday present. Ever.  Most of them are desperate for a family life, which they either have not lived at all, or enjoyed it very little, before being brought in institutions.

A system like a spider"s net. Working on norm and on quantity

Although the 290 institutions represent but 15 % of the existing residential services in Romania, they shelter 52% of the children needing a residential placement. So, for those sentenced to spend their own childhood in state care, it is very likely they would end up in an institution.